Crazy Is Doing The Same Thing Over.....We All Know The Saying....My Band Experiences

*Be sure to read post "REGRESSSION TO THE MEAN"-MY SHRINK HELPED ME SEE THE ERROR OF MY WAYS after reading this post, for closure

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(ME) THE ANXIOUS DRUMMER

ANXIETY ---------------------------> FACE ANXIETY/THE UNKNOWN-------> ?

COMFORT ZONE

TALENTED AMATEURS

BAND 1

Background-

Band 1 I am still a part of to this day. I might be in this band forever. This is a band that started screwing around with a pretty niche genre of music after practice ended with a different band. What started as friends just jamming a vintage niche style of music, ended up becoming a full fledged band. This isn’t a band I personally formed, and it’s formation was almost accidental in some ways, it just kind of happened. Non the less, we started playing shows, and their drummer (ME), utilized one of the few silver linings of OCD, and went crazy booking shows, by simply doing contact, follow up, contact, follow up, etc. We ended up playing a few hundred shows over the span of about 4 years.

Expectation-

Well, wouldn’t you know it, the drummer started having visions of grandeur. He thought, “Guys, lets modernize this sound, become more contemporary, and SHOOT THE MOON!"

Result-

I found out, nobody wanted to SHOOT THE MOON. At times, I think they probably wanted to shoot me, lol. I had a couple blow ups, because of frustration, but eventually I realized my friendships in this band were way more important than the band itself. I also realized this band has helped me keep the course in life during some really hard times. The guys are a good influence in this band, and we’re friends, and that’s probably why this band has been going for almost a decade now, and will probably continue for another decade. We don’t gig as much, but we are thinking about releasing another album.

BAND 2

Background-

Band 2 is where I started doing really stupid things, because I got frustrated, I got depressed, and ultimately became angry. This band started because I was at an open mic, and heard a guy that had a really cool voice. I had never done country, but his was a more classic, outlaw, alt country style, and it was cool. I heard he was gonna play again, so somehow I got his number, and said “I’ll drum for you your next show, don’t worry about practicing, I’ll improv, I’ll feel the transitions, it’ll be great!” That's not word for word how it went, but something along those lines. He was taken back, but said ok. We played a set, no practice, and it was cool, and pretty solid. He was impressed by my drumming, and I was impressed by his style and voice.

Expectation-

I thought "Lets start it off like pros, make an agreement, write, and SHOOT THE MOON. I’ll even pitch in with the writing process, recruit the band, and book all the gigs."

Result-

If a guy has never been in a band, it’s safe to say they’re an amateur, lol. Again, amateur is mind set, it has nothing to do with talent. For some music is something they do, while for others music is what they do. You can imagine what he thought when I approached him about making a percent split, making it a business, and getting it down in writing. So yea, that obviously never happened, lol. I did recruit the bandmates though, some really good players. I did book us a ton of gigs. I even got us a monthly house spot in a popular resort town at a cool club, and then Covid hit.

This project is when I felt rather burned by a singer. For starters, I really didn’t like the name we picked, but it was majority rule. I wanted to help write, be it lyrics or some chord progressions, and that never happened. I didn’t even get to pick one cover. I actually did get a cover he agreed to, but then we ended playing an entirely different song by the same artist.

So I thought, “Ok, I get it, coming right out with agreements and stuff, yea, that's Hollywood, but you’ve never even been in a band, and why wouldn’t you be taken back. Not agreeing with the name, that happens in a lot of bands, just write cool songs. Not wanting to develop some lyrics or song ideas, or including a more driven influence sometimes? Well, ok, I think the songs all sound the same after awhile, and it gets boring, but it is what it is. Not having one cover after putting a band behind you, putting you up on stage, and booking a bunch of gigs? Yea, that pisses me off. We go to the studio and become hired guns I think for 75 bucks, we lay down a cool track, he wants the rights to the songs, I get it. Then he doesn’t release the track? That blows, but I did agree to just be a hired gun, he can release whatever he wants."

Though he came to the table with some songs, they weren't really hooky until the band finished with them. He said we could do percentage splits, but he wanted the rights to the songs. A little lesson about music law, publishing rights are king. There is no set way to do anything, and bands have lawsuits years later about this topic, because it was never talked about starting out.

But my thinking was as follows (and still is today) "It's not often a drummer does everything to make a band an actual band. I'm not your average drummer in that regard. In my opinion, if I'm the reason you're on stage, spending hours and hours of contact and follow up to get gigs, if I'm the reason you have talented players bringing your songs to life, which includes constantly going over my personal drum parts and tweaking them, if I'm in your band, if I'm the reason there is a band, because I formed the band, then damnit, I'm an equal owner in this project and all that comes with it!"

The problem is, and I've learned this the hard way, this needs to be talked about up front, and amateurs, though many are talented, they don't think this way. Even professionals don't necessarily think this way. Entertainment is a thankless world, so unless it's written down and those involved signed on the dotted line, don't count on any good karma coming your way. Also, there aren't very many OCD drummers with severe anxiety issues out there that dive head first into projects with amateurs and do what I do. In the end, professionalism, at least for me, is facing that anxiety dragon, and heading into a professional environment somehow, that "unknown".

I digress. After this experience, I knew I was 100 percent a band guy, but an equal band guy type, a very involved drummer, and in no way a hired gun. Even if I wanted to be a hired gun, at least in professional settings, my anxiety is too bad currently. But at the end of this experience, I felt used, and it left a real bad taste in my mouth.

BAND 3

Background-

I was at a b day party for a friend. Said friend said, "Hey, this girl writes music and plays the guitar." I yell down to the end of the table, "You do music!" She comes by, shows us her stuff, and I was like, "You don't suck!" I have a good guitar buddy sitting by me, who happens to be in band 1, and another musician buddy who plays bass, who had a stint in band 2. I say "Lets start a band!" Right off the bat I say, "We could be huge!" Immediately my guitarist buddy says "Whoa, lets slow it down here, we need to have some songs." That's pretty much how it went.

Expectation-

We start doing a couple practices. My buds aren't too fond of, here it comes again, "SHOOTING THE MOON". So I think, "Well, I want to, and I think this singer wants to." So I reach out to the singer, and basically do a redo of Band 2 in a sense. I think this singer had been in some short lived bands, probably cover bands, and released some original material with a producer friend, but was definitely a working professional with a career, not a full time musician by any means. Well, of course she was like, "What? Agreement? It's way to soon." I respond with a 1,000 word text, and say something along the lines of "No, lets do this, start it off as a business, and just go."

I figured "My buds, they have lives, and comfortable lives at that, so what do they care if we take off to Rock N Rollville, they don't want to make the push to go there, why would they, they're comfortable, and comfortable means content. And I think partly they're in this band just because I want to be, but don't really want to be in it."

I figured I could find some hungry serious players to round out the band. I made a lot of assumptions. It was Band 2 again in a nutshell. Well, wouldn't you know it, it obviously didn't go as planned. The band just started rehearsing, the 4 of us, but I have the same thinking as the "crazy intense guy on city league basketball team" metaphor I shared in the "BAND ALLIES" section of my previous post "Pillars Of Band Happiness, At Least For A Drummer Like Me". Check it out, that metaphor is me :).

I have the same "They'll catch a vision" thinking. I have the same, "I'll 100 percent be a contributing writer, Why wouldn't I?, I do so much for this band, There would be no band if I wasn't a part of it" thinking.

Result-

So I start to book shows a plenty. I also spear head a fundraiser for our singers birthday to receive voice lessons. Her voice wasn't bad, but it definitely needed work, and I find out voice lessons was something she had always wanted, and since her b day was right around the corner, I started a fundraiser. I couldn't raise that much, because I didn't know her social circle, so I recruited the assistance of her friend, and she helped a ton, and enough money was raised for lessons, and with a really top notch teacher I recommended.

Through rehearsing, my talented amateur buds, and they are talented, take some of her material, tweak and add to it, and the songs take on a life of their own. I add in cool grooves, unique, but not Avant Gard. Our songs are well received at clubs.

So I push the entire "Lets make this a business" agenda again, but to the entire band this time, not just the singer. Again, this is met with "Why can't our drummer chill out."

But yes, frustration comes again, Why? For the same exact reasons as all the other bands. I want to go harder and faster than they do. This I understand fully now, "Why sprint for a hobby?" So I accept that, but feel insecure, because like in the past, my ideas keep getting turned down, my lyrics get turned down, and I even wrote an entire song with lyrics and everything, that gets turned down, and all my cover ideas are turned down. Nothing is even worked on, developed or tweaked.

We also meet a connection our singer knows, and get a fundraiser set up to record through his small but growing label.

I think, "If we are going to be on a label, even a small one, we need some type of band agreement (Yes, I wasn't willing to sign onto a label until we had a band agreement formed and signed). We also need some type of band agreement because the ideas of my bandmates are not really being developed. We work on them, we save the material, and then our singer pushes her material the next practice, and nobody says anything, it just gets forgotten. Furthermore, nothing I think up is used or developed. We need to put a method of developing material into writing, or it won't be developed. It won't be developed because A) My two band buds are social casual rock n rollers, and one especially is probably doing this as a charity project for me, but they don't want to SHOOT THE MOON, so its not like they're gonna make a big fuss, because its not important enough to make a fuss over, they have lives, comfortable good lives. & B) Its seems lead singer syndrome is a thing, and this girl only pushes her material."

This isn't all entirely true. We do play one cover our bass player suggested. Also, its interesting, our most catchy song arguably, was written by my chill "I'm in this band because I'm being charitable to the drummer" friend, lol. He's easily the most musically gifted in the band, as far as writing goes, and writing is what matters most. He's been in like 15 bands. But this one song he wrote, is the only song we have that wasn't initially written by the singer, and many would say it's one of our best songs.

The agreement has standard band stuff, but my two biggest insecurities were

1. "Nobody seems to have a voice in this band but the singer, and nobody but me cares enough to raise their voice about it."

What's ironic about this first insecurity, is initially I was ready to sail to Rockville with this singer, have an agreement made, and find other guys to round out the band, and didn't think my other two band buds would really care. In all honesty, they wouldn't have, at least at that initial period. For starters, our bass player (He's really good), suffers from social anxiety, and had no desire to play gigs. As far as my chill friend (He's also really good), the band was more of a charity to help his imbalanced drummer friend, lol. That's literally spot on when the band started. But, like all things, the band evolved.

AND

2. "Because I have so little artistic say in this band, after doing so much for the band, and it seems the singer is dead set on her material, whose to say she just won't use me as a stepping stone, take the songs, and use all my efforts booking gigs and the connections made in the process as a platform, and say adios to the band first chance she has at being successful on her own. These are OUR songs, written by THE BAND."

I also realized she was incredibly independent, an only child, and obviously used to getting her way, and perhaps not with much push back. Unfortunately push back is really all I know in life, and man do I push back. In many ways, its how I survived the trauma I've gone through in my life (See "OCD-The Brutal Truth" for details).

For an insecure OCD middle child, I thought "HELL NO! Screw this, I need peace of mind. It would be stupid not to have an agreement. This is all going down exactly like my last band."

Well, the agreement is signed, and we head off to the studio to start recording an EP. But in reality, bands should have an agreement from the get go, seriously, better earlier than later.

Which actually brings me to right now. Yea, I'm irked, I don't like being ignored, especially after doing so much. We will see what happens. The one silver lining is this band is made up of really good people. While being in this band, I've become much more square with God. I was going downhill pretty fast, and despite the drama of this band, I can't deny the band hasn't been a blessing in some ways. I also see it has helped our bass player immensely. He smiles on stage, not joker face, just a standard low energy bass player smile. The band whether he realizes it or not is helping him with his social anxiety, and a guy as talented as him needs to be making art.

That all being said, yea, I can't understand why it's so hard having artistic influence, seems to be the norm with a lot of singers, even the amateur ones. Who knows what will happen, time will tell, but I have learned a lot, and I'm finally squaring myself up enough spiritually, where I have the faith to face my giant anxiety dragon, and walk into the unknown. I still want at least A cover in this band, and SOME artistic say beyond just the drums. Drummers get ideas too ya know, especially good drummers.

FACE ANXIETY/THE UNKNOWN-------> ?

The unknown scares me. The mission experience, the workforce after college experiences, and even the music school experience (See Post "OCD-The Brutal Truth" for details), they hurt me really bad. I play it safe, quite simply, because the anxiety dragon, which is an extension of OCD, is fierce. So I play it safe, and do what I know, and go where my anxiety isn’t triggered. But until recent, I’ve dealt with my anxiety in all the wrong ways. I’m finally starting to turn my heart to God, and trust him, but I had to stop being stupid every time I got scared. Turn to god, not stupidity.

*Be sure to read post "REGRESSSION TO THE MEAN"-MY SHRINK HELPED ME SEE THE ERROR OF MY WAYS after reading this post for closure.